That’s me and my original date. “Original” date, you say? Well, yes. We’ll get to that in a minute.

I spent three hours getting ready for this thing. Two and a half of it was spent solely on my hair, but by 6 PM, I was ready to roll. Oh, and here’s the cool part. I bought the dress at the Salvation Army in Honesdale for five dollars, the shoes at Charlotte Russe off the clearance rack for five dollars, and the gloves at Hot Topic for five dollars. So, I only spent fifteen dollars on the whole outfit. Not bad, if I do say so myself. But, I digress.

So, I spent all this time getting ready for a true pity date. I didn’t have to go, but I decided it might be fun, and it would be worth helping my friend out. (For the sake of discussion, let’s call him by his actual name, which is Kyle. That son of a…)

Here’s a closer shot of my hair (done expertly by Kyle’s sister, Kelly), and another one of the extensive makeup work (ahem).

Anyway, Kyle and I took pictures with our families and went on our merry way to the prom. But first, we had to pick up his friend in Port Jervis. This will become relevant later in my story. After that, we drove from Port Jervis to Middletown, where Kyle needed to stop and pick something up at WalMart. Additionally, it should be known that I was the navigator for this trip, and that Kyle has no sense of direction. So, when he came out of WalMart, I informed him that we needed to get back on 84E and continue towards our ultimate destination. I even pointed out the entrance to 84. But Kyle defiantly told me that I was incorrect, and proceeded to turn onto 211. Which was strictly wrong, to say the least. After approximately seven miles of me pointing out that we were on the wrong highway, he finally turned around and went back towards Middletown, where we got off and managed to get on 84E.

When we finally arrived, we were officially an hour late. We went inside and got something to eat (that was the one plus, there was food involved in this gig. If you read my blog, you know how much I LOVE to eat!) and associated with the 35 other people there. Sort of. I kind of hung back and watched.

So anyway, at some point people started dancing to all kinds of horrible, funky-beat mashups from the 90s, and my “date” promptly abandoned me for the tall blonde who eventually would score the title of “prom queen.” And he didn’t attempt to locate me for the remainder of the evening.

That’s when I noticed the awkward ninth grader in the corner, the fellow we had picked up in Port Jervis. He appeared to be having even less fun than I, which was quite a feat to say the least. Ultimately, I asked him to dance with me. He kind of reminded me of Napoleon Dynamite, except he didn’t really have any kind of height working for him. Watch the video clip below if you want to find out what dancing with the poor kid was like.

Napoleon+Dynamite

So eventually, I just decided to make the ninth grader (his name was Dembeck) my unofficial prom date. And that is how I ended up going to prom with two different guys in the same night.

Fin!

Monday:
Monday I actually met Dick Scanlan. Here are a few things about his talk.
1. He mentioned 6 times that he had AIDS.
2. He mentioned 8 times that he was gay.
3. He talked a lot about how his stand-up comedy career failed, and I could see why.
4. He really liked the color orange. This guy had an orange sweater, orange-colored pants, and sneakers with orange Nike symbols on them. And it wasn’t even a GOOD orange, it was that nasty, pukey orange that old men wear golfing. For a gay man with AIDS, he really didn’t have much fashion sense.
5. He gave us the story of how he met his current partner in excruciating detail. It was actually interesting part of the time, and then he’d talk about exactly what they ordered on their first date and every topic of conversation and I’d just get bored. He took about half an hour on this topic alone. We really got the point that he was gay.
6. This guy could not sing. Seriously, he was singing “I Turned the Corner” from Millie at the end, and I was like… WHAT?!?!! He was off-key, and breathed in weird spots.
7. We pronounced “Salina, Kansas” wrong in the play. Damn us…

Tuesday:
Tuesday, I went to Philadelphia for an audition. I played Debussy’s first Arabesque, Bach’s Prelude and Fugue in D minor, and an arrangement of Come Thou Fount that I put together at the last minute. I actually got in, with a total $9,600 scholarship. However, I’d prefer not to attend this school, for the following reasons:
1. Their library is an old swimming pool. Like, an actual swimming pool. It is outdated, and not very comprehensive.
2. They have a really run-down music building. Like, REALLY run-down.
3. Their campus looks and feels like a high school.
4. I’d have to spend five years there to get my degree, because you’re forced to get a bachelors in Bible as well as whatever else you decide to study. I don’t want a degree in Bible. I want a bachelors in music theory and composition. This is the epitome of fail.
5. There is no auditorium.
6. Philly is still half an hour away from the school, and that makes me sad because Philly is the only cool thing around there.

Wednesday:
This was a fun day! Kim, Melissa, Caroline, and Laura took the seniors in drama club to see Memphis on Broadway. We piled into three vans and were on our way. Ray and I sat in the back of the van and watched Wayne’s World II, a mind-blowingly awful movie about two adult children who run a television station and get into all sorts of misadventures. Around the end of the movie, on the George Washington Bridge, we got hit by an 18-wheeler who decided to move over into another lane without letting us know by using his blinker. He scraped off a good chunk of paint, left a massive dent on the right side of the bus, and managed to freak us out. It was terrifying, but after the ordeal everyone started laughing. I couldn’t see why, though. I was terrified. Ray wouldn’t come out from under his blanket, and I didn’t say another word for the rest of the ride.

After that, they let us run loose in the city for about an hour and a half. Ray and I weren’t hungry, since we’d already almost lost our lunch after the ordeal with the 18-wheeler. So, we decided to go to Toys R Us in Times Square instead. It was pretty fun, except it makes me sad that everything costs so much there. Still, there are giant Lego things, a mechanical T-Rex, and a bunch of other really nifty things to see there.

When we all got back together, we went in to see the show. I liked it okay, especially since it didn’t have a conventionally happy ending. The leading man sounded kind of like Forrest Gump, though. That part annoyed me, because few things are as annoying to me as the sound of Forrest Gump’s voice.

When we got out of the show, we walked around a little bit more. Ray and I decided to go find a grocery store that sold iced tea, when on the corner of 7th and 35th, we ran into Sam Rockwell, the guy who played Justin Hammer in Ironman 2. That was pretty awesome, because Justin Hammer is the best character in the movie, and he’s really really tiny. He was nice, and I liked that too.

Anyway, that’s my update on the past 3 days. Tune in next time to find out what happens when Gabrielle goes to prom!

1. A flaming homosexual.
2. A flaming, HIV-positive homosexual.
3. A rather poor author.

I have decided to focus mainly on the third point of interest. After doing a bit of research on the man, I realized that I have read another book by him, a book called Does Freddy Dance. Essentially, the book is comprised of a number of anecdotes and musings of a wildly stereotypical gay person, from childhood to adulthood. If I remember correctly (and I think I do), I hated the book. It was completely boring. Nothing was new or interesting. If anything, it reinforced gay stereotypes that most of my gay friends don’t identify with or want to define their sexual orientation. All in all, it was a bit of a yawn.

Essentially, I’m not impressed with this man’s writing. Let’s see if he’s any better at public speaking.

WE ARE DONE WITH MILLIE!

“Thoroughly Modern Millie” can now be “thoroughly history.” And now, Ray and I can focus more on BananaPhone! Hoorayyyyy!

Here are some pictures from the show. Enjoy!

It really was a lot of fun. A number of people have come up to me, however, and asked me if I’m sad that it is over. While I had fun, as I said before, I can honestly say that I wouldn’t want to continue this show any longer. It was kind of like high school; happy while it lasted, but glad when it ends. I made a couple of friends, managed to do some crazy things onstage, and learned how to do the Charleston. Was it worth the time? Absolutely. But was it something I’d want to do forever? Probably not.

As Dorothy Parker would say, “Oh, both my shoes are shiny new,
And pristine is my hat
My dress is 1922…
My life is all like that.”

Adios, Millie!

HAIR DAY AT DRAMAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

It was actually pretty fun. I managed to figure out a style that sort of worked for me, and Kim didn’t chop Ray’s hair off. We were pretty scared, because I didn’t buy a wig (see reason for lack of wig below).

Can you imagine fitting a WIG over that mop? No way, man. I ended up just flipping it under and trying to make it look like a “bob.”

Now, back to Ray. He’s playing George Gershwin in this show, and he’s supposed to have this short, slicked-back style. Naturally, he has super thick, curly, shoulder-length hair. Kim (the super scary drama director) threatened to cut his hair if he didn’t figure out how to make it look like he didn’t have much hair. So in order to salvage those “adorable curls” (line from the show, come see it), I made it my mission to slick his hair DOWNNNNNNN.

I started by straightening the mop, and therefore “stripping him of his manhood,” as he incessantly complained. Once it was finally straightened to my satisfaction, I took an incredible amount of gel and fastened his hair to his skull. Then, I took hair wax and slicked it back so it couldn’t move. If he had let me take a picture, I would have been able to show you how awesome it looked, but he’s afraid of cameras, kind of like an Aborigine.

Needless to say, we look pretty good.

Disenchanted by this, my mother suggested that I just write about the college application process, since that took up most of my time this year and I could go on forever on a topic like that. Therefore, I have outlined my paper, and begun to work on filling in the gaps. To aid my efforts, I created a questionnaire, designed to be taken by those who are planning on going to college, those who applied to college this past year, and those who are in their freshman year in undergrad. Here goes!

1. Do you plan on pursuing higher education? If so, do you plan on attending a community college? State school? Out-of-state? Private? Faith-based? Technical? Art or design? Conservatory?
2. How many schools did you, will you, or do you plan on applying to?
3. How many schools out of those you applied to did you get into, if applicable?
4. Did you get into your top choice school? Did you expect to? Did you end up accepting admission at that school? If you declined, why?
5. Did you prepare/are you preparing to take AP level courses or AP tests to earn college credit? What about CLEP tests?
6. For high school, did you attend/are you attending a public, private, or home school? Are you/were you dual-enrolled in college while still in high school?
7. Did you or will you take the SAT or ACT? Did you or will you take SAT IIs?
8. If applicable, how did you choose your college?
9. Did finances play a role in what school you chose? Did you apply for financial aid using the FAFSA? Did you apply for state grants or outside scholarships?
10. If applicable, were you pleased with your financial aid package? Explain.
11. What is your major, or what do you plan on majoring in? Do you intend to pursue a minor? Do you intend to double-major? Do you think that you will change your major?
12. How do you think the application process can be made simpler or more effective? Do you believe that you were given fair consideration by colleges? What is an area that you think schools neglect when reviewing applicants?
13. Did you interview at schools? Do you think this was helpful or detrimental to your status as an applicant? What types of questions were asked at your interview? How did you prepare?
14. Did you write essays on your applications? How important do you think they are in an admissions decision, overall? Did you spend a lot of time preparing your essays?
15. Did you ask people to write academic and/or character recommendations for you?
16. What are some suggestions that you have for future college applicants?

If you know of anyone who might be willing to fill this out and send me their answers, please pass it on!

1. Nobody likes you there.
2. There’s a reason its nickname is “Dirt Jervis.”
3. Pretty much everyone there wants to eat your flesh.

Therefore, Ray and I parked in a “safe” place (Matamoras), and ventured cautiously across the rickety bridge, into the Land of the Lost. At first, it seemed like a pretty good trip. Everyone was fairly courteous, nobody seemed to want to cook us, and nobody offered us drugs or tried to sell us into slavery. However, when we entered one of the countless antique shops lining Broad Street, we were not prepared for what hit us.

The conversation went something like this:

Ray: Hi, my friend and I are here because we’re with DV’s high school production of Thoroughly Modern Millie, and to fund-raise, we’re selling ad space in our playbill. Is that something your business would be interested in?

Me: A full page ad costs $100, a half page is $50, and a quarter page is $25. If you don’t want to take part in any of those options, that’s totally fine, we also have a patron listing for only $10 if you’re interested.

Antique Shop Witch: Now, you listen up here. You ain’t gettin’ a DIME from me until my husband gives me a baby. Or a puppy. Either way, go somewhere else.

Ray: looks stunned

Me: Well, uh… thank you for your time…

Antique Shop Witch: I’m pretty sure it has to do with his count, you know, his sper-

Ray: We should probably be going, but thanks for listening. Bye!

Me: takes long strides to door

hasty exit

Needless to say, we sold maybe two or three ads. But was it worth it? I’m not so sure.

Also, because this is my blog and I can do what I want, I figured I’d make everyone aware that we have lots of advertising space left in our playbill! Prices are $100 for a full-page ad, $50 for a half-page, and $25 for a quarter-page. If none of that is quite affordable (we’re in a recession, after all), perhaps you would be interested in a patron listing for only $10. It’s great advertising, and it will help us put on a great show, even if it IS Thoroughly Modern Millie.

Play dates (haha, like “playdates”) are April 30, May 1, and May 2. Come see the show!

1. It was a traditional Jewish wedding in a Spanish synagogue. Except that half the people there weren’t even Jewish.
2. My dad had to wear a yalmulke, but on him it looked like an elf hat because he needs a haircut.
3. The lady in front of me had on a giant red hat that looked like this.

…except it was way taller and blocked my view of everything that was going on under the chuppah.
4. The bride’s parents obviously hated each other and refused to walk in together, so they had to be escorted in by the bride and groom’s best friends, which just looked ridiculous, and everyone spent half the reception wondering how both her parents had managed to marry such young, attractive people.
5. The longest part of the ceremony was some old guy with coke-bottle glasses singing in Hebrew.
6. The groom’s father talked to me for 20 minutes, trying to convert me to Judaism.
7. They had kosher Cambodian food at the reception.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I like food. I like weird food. But sometimes I hate curry. And Sunday was just one of those days where I didn’t want a thing to do with curry. Additionally, all those dark sauces and things really were starting to frighten me, because it was formal and I’d borrowed this gorgeous dress (and it was in a Saks 5th Avenue bag, so it was probably mass expensive) from a woman I know who has amazing stuff and I didn’t want to spill anything on it even though I KNEW I was going to even though I was being SUPER CAREFUL that day. Anyway, everything had curry (which stains like henna) or stain-able dead fish in it, and I was really not digging it.

Needless to say, I stuck with ginger ale and bread. Rye, of course.

Mazeltov!